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By Steve :: Essays
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Steve has written a number of articles in recent years for
various publications, most notably The New Yorker and the New York
Times. Some of these short pieces have been collected and published in
Steve's book Pure Drivel. However, many of the New Yorker
pieces that appear in Pure Drivel were rewritten. In particular, the
changes to "The Hundred Greatest Books That I've Read" (which only appeared
in the paperback version of Pure Drivel) were very substantial. In
some cases below, both versions have been provided for comparison.
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The New Yorker
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C.I.A. Unveils Old Bin Laden Tape
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A pep talk and a brush off |
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Picasso Promoting "Lady
With a Fan"
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Fun on a junket |
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The Death of My Father |
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A serious look at his own life
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Sports-Interview Shocker |
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Explaining sports jargon
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My Celebrity Crime Perks
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A cartoon essay
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The Ethicist
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A "Dear Abbie" for the ethically challenged
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The Grand Old Opera
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If only Garth Brooks sang opera
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The Book of Directions |
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When you really really have to get there
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Shouters |
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For the person with no time to read
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Elian at Twenty |
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The joys of forced repatriation
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Two Menus
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L.A. versus flyover country
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Preface to My Autobiography |
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If life were a docudrama
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President Beatty Takes Up Residence
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If Warren Beatty were President |
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Disgruntled Former Lexigorapher
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Those pesky words |
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The Y3K Bug
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Reassurance on the eve of 3001 |
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Talking Points |
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On the road to Gettysburg
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Designer of Audio CD Packaging
Enters Hell
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Revenge of the cellophane fighters |
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Closure |
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If you don't read it, you won't be able to go on
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Studies in the New Causality
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The legal world discovers new forms of cause and effect
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The Greatest Hundred Books I've Read (NY)
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A revealing list |
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The Greatest Hundred Books I've Read (PD)
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A less revealing list |
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Does God Exist?
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Toby the Horse should stick to art |
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The Sledgehammer: How It Works
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For Luddites only |
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In Search of the Wily Filipino
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A riff on stereotypes |
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Side Effects |
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The wonder in wonder drugs
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Dear Amanda |
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Breaking up is hard to do
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Taping My Friends
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Privacy violated |
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Changes in the Memory After Fifty
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I forget |
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Drivel |
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Ah love. Ah irony. Ah rats.
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A Public Apology |
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A political primer
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Paparazzi of Plato (NY) |
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Platonic dialog
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Paparazzi of Plato (PD) |
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No wonder they executed him |
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How I Joined Mensa |
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IQ ain't everthang
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Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods
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Punctuation matters |
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Writing is Easy! |
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As Tom Lehrer said, "Plagiarize,
plagiarize, plagiarize -- Only be sure always to call it please --
Research!"
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Yes, In My Own Backyard |
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The Raphael Birdbath.
This is Steve's first appearance
in The New Yorker. It was originally intended for the New York
Times magazine, but the editors there could not agree where to showcase
it. Thus, a new career was born. |
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The New York Times
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The King and I |
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Tut-tutting the new exhibit
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The Sports Report
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Steroids |
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It All Depends on What You
Mean by 'Have'
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Another rare political musing -- WMDs |
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Where the Comedians Will Be on
Oscar Night
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Sour grapes make a fine whine
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Steve Martin's Lifelong Education in Art |
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Coming out of the art closet -- an excerpt from the catalog
for Steve's Bellagio art exhibit
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The Third Millenium: So Far, So Good |
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Happy New Year |
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News Stories Besides Monica Lewinsky |
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A rare foray into political commentary |
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Mars Probe Finds Kitten (NYT)
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Cats are aliens. Who knew?
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Mars Probe Finds Kitten (PD) |
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A few changes in Pure Drivel
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The Nature of Matter and Its Antecedents (NYT) |
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The hidden intellectual depths of show biz people
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The Nature of Matter and Its Antecedents (PD)
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The Pure Drivel version |
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Newspapers
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"I'm Steve! I Make News!" |
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Toronto Star
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A Few Words on the Passing of Dave Barry's Column |
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Washington Post |
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Magazines
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Toby Looks at Art |
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Horse sense on art
ArtNews
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Banjo |
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How Steve learned to play and more.
The Oxford American
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Kosovo, 90210
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Life in Beverly Hills spoils refugees
George Magazine
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A Film By Steve Martin |
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Steve weighs in on a labor dispute
Written By |
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Miscellaneous
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The Sex Life of Clowns
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Something he did for Diane Keaton
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Steve Martin
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Steve the Beautiful |
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Montecore and Roy
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A short monologue on Seigfried and Roy |
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Back to the Top |
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